


I Can't Take You Anywhere

by Melawen_C



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Animal Transformation, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-30
Updated: 2012-09-30
Packaged: 2017-11-15 09:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/525674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melawen_C/pseuds/Melawen_C
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Stupid waterfall. Stupid Hawaii. Stupid, stupid Steve.</i><br/>Steve and Danny turn into dogs. Literally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Take You Anywhere

**Author's Note:**

> This is all due to a LiveJournal post [HERE](http://hawaii5-0slash.livejournal.com/399227.html) which suggested the idea of one of them turning into a dog, after which, I started imagining the whole scenario. Then I found [THIS PICTURE](http://i932.photobucket.com/albums/ad166/melawen_c_photo/doggies.jpg) of dog!Steve and puppy!Danny (no, seriously, look at them ♥) and the rest is history. 
> 
> It may be crack, but I actually like it. A lot. :) Enjoy!
> 
> ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_Stupid waterfall…_

_Stupid Hawaii…_

_Stupid, stupid Steve._

Those were the last thoughts Danny Williams had right before his world turned black.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Not surprisingly, his thoughts were much the same once he managed to open his eyes. He added in a few creative variations of _what the fuck?_ , which he thought were well-justified under the circumstances because...

Danny Williams was a dog.

Fur, four legs, a tail – the whole package. He rolled over and pushed himself unsteadily to his feet. Paws. Whatever. He looked down. They were oversized puppy paws, and yellow ones at that. _Great,_ he thought cynically, _I went to see a Hawaiian waterfall and all I got was puppy breath._ Kamekono should sell t-shirts.

Wherever Steve McGarrett was, Danny was going to kill him. Rip him apart with his little puppy teeth and enjoy every second of it. He looked around and saw Steve’s clothes in an abandoned pile, much like his own. That was not a good sign.

That meant the giant mess of limbs and black fur next to the clothes must be…

_Oh, shit._

Danny took a few wobbly steps in his new legs until he was standing next to Steve. Well, dog-Steve, that is. Dog-Steve who was, apparently, a black Labrador. 

_Of course,_ Danny thought miserably. They got magically turned into dogs, and he was still the short one and Steve still had stupidly long legs. Danny had the incredible urge to bite something. Instead, he pawed at Steve’s nose, trying to wake him.

Nothing.

Danny opened his mouth to yell at him and all that came out was a high-pitched yelp. Steve was awake and on his feet (all four of them) in a flash. His dark eyes were alert, looking around frantically. He looked down at himself, then at Danny, and then at his clothes. He sniffed the air cautiously, and looked back down at Danny, tilting his head slightly.

 _Yes, you idiot, it’s me,_ Danny tried to say, but only succeeded in barking again. 

Steve’s mouth opened and a long, pink tongue fell out and he – fuck – he was _grinning._

He _would_ think this was fantastic.

Danny couldn’t help it – he growled angrily and started in on him – yelling and cursing and bitching about everything and anything. He didn’t care that it all sounded like barking. He didn’t dare try to pace back and forth like he wanted to because, with his luck and these two extra legs, he’d fall on his face. He couldn’t move his arms, he couldn’t speak. He was trapped inside this fluffy little prison of fur and he didn’t care that he’d only been a dog for less than five minutes, he was already starting to lose his mind.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Steve sat calmly and listened to him rant, looking at him just like he did in human form: bemused, but trying not to be completely obvious about it.

Once Danny had finally stopped to breathe, Steve barked at him in response but Danny had no idea what he meant. So not only were they dogs, they couldn’t even understand each other. And to top it off, they were miles out in the jungle. Fantastic. 

Steve managed to wrestle his phone out of his pants pocket, and if Danny wasn’t still freaked out of his mind, he thought he would’ve been amused by the sight. Even as a dog, Steve was in full-on, problem-solving mode, trying to MacGyver his way out of shit. Next thing Danny knew, Steve had a stick in his mouth and – thank God for speed dial – was pushing the ‘call’ button. 

They both crouched near the phone waiting for Chin to answer. The call didn’t last long: Chin, expecting a human to be on the other end, kept saying he couldn’t hear him and Steve kept barking in vain and then Chin hung up. Danny flopped to the ground. This was craziness.

So, Steve called him again and when Chin answered this time, he just said ‘hello’ and waited. Steve barked a few times, then paused, then barked again. Some barks were slow, some were faster, almost as if…

 _Oh my God,_ Danny realized; Steve was barking in Morse code.

“Steve?” Chin’s voice called out hesitantly after a long pause. Steve barked once.

More silence. 

Now that Danny had figured out his paws, he was pacing impatiently, willing Chin to be functioning at his typical level of intelligence and realize that neither he nor Steve were prank-call kind of guys, so there must be something actually wrong.

“Alright, I have no idea what’s happening on that side of the phone, so bear with me here… Danny?” 

Steve gave him a menacing stare, as if Danny would risk their best shot at being rescued. Danny rolled his eyes and barked once, as well.

“O-kay.” For the first time since he’d met him, Chin sounded confused as hell. Appropriately so, Danny thought. But he did say he’d run a trace, so that was promising. After what felt like an eternity, Chin said he had their location and he’d be there in little under an hour.

Stupid Hawaii.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Chin's truck making its way up the hill was the best thing Danny had seen all day. He could feel his tail wagging but he was so relieved that he didn’t even care.

 

When Steve tried to pick him up by the scruff of his neck to help him into the truck, Danny growled and bit him on the leg, but really, what did Steve expect?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“They’re so cute!” Kono squealed as she looked down at them.

Steve didn’t particularly like being a dog, but he had to agree, Danny was pretty adorable. He was the kind of puppy that all the little kids went to first at the pet store.

She tried to pick him up, but Danny scurried away and cowered behind Steve, who barked protectively.

“Alright, relax,” she acquiesced, pulling her hands away. “I recognize claimed territory when I see it.”

Chin chuckled under his breath at that and Steve growled a little at the comment, but wouldn’t have disagreed even if he could speak. Maybe Danny wasn’t _his,_ but it wasn’t for lack of wanting.

“So, what do we do about this,” Kono asked curiously, looking from Danny to Steve to Chin, then back again.

“Well…” Chin suggested, “these two are probably thirsty.”

They both barked enthusiastically in agreement.

Kono went to find a couple bowls, then she and Chin started brainstorming.

As they listened to Kono and Chin’s ideas, Danny suddenly stopped and shook his head. Steve looked at him, trying to figure out what he was thinking. Danny shook it again and let out a little whine. Steve hated that they couldn’t talk to each other. He never realized how difficult it would be… or how much he would miss it.

With a horribly resigned look in his eyes, Danny sat and brought up his back leg to scratch at his ear. It must’ve been a bad itch because he scratched and scratched and scratched so much that he promptly fell over. Steve couldn’t keep from grinning (or whatever the dog equivalent was for it). He wasn’t one for exaggerating, but it was possibly the cutest thing he’d ever seen.

He’d never tell Danny that, of course. Danny may be smaller than him, but Steve wasn’t _that_ stupid.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In the end, Kono took a sample of their fur to the lab to see what they could find and Chin went to talk to some locals he thought might be able to help.

“Rule number one and only,” Chin had said firmly. “You are not allowed anywhere near my equipment while we’re gone.”

Danny thought Steve’s bark sounded a little indignant.

“Fine, _our_ equipment,” Chin corrected. “Sorry, brah, no dogs allowed. Not even well-behaved ones.”

Chin had found an old football in his office which he graciously offered to them before leaving. Danny gave him his best _Are you kidding me?_ look. He may have the body of a puppy, but he still had his human mind intact. Relatively. Chin just shrugged unhelpfully.

So, Danny was bored. Bored and currently lying on the floor trying to think of things to do that didn’t involve chewing on the football, which was becoming more and more tempting the longer he stared at it. He was in serious trouble.

Steve padded over and lay in front of him, so they were nose to nose in some bizarre staring contest. Even though he looked like a dog, Danny thought he could still see ‘Steve’ in those dark eyes. He wasn’t glad that this had happened, but he was relieved that they could at least suffer through it together. Steven, though he may be crazy at times, was a good guy to have around in a bad situation. He was smart… and loyal. 

_Not unlike his canine equivalent_ , Danny realized in amusement.

With that thought in mind, he stuck his tongue out and licked Steve’s nose. Steve batted at him with his paw and that was it. Danny pounced back and they started wrestling on the ground. Danny found that it was quite effective for him to use his teeth to gain the advantage, which shouldn’t have surprised either of them… even as humans, Danny relied more on his mouth and Steve used his strength. 

They wrestled and chased each other until they were panting and tired. 

_We’re insane,_ Danny thought as he curled up on the soft carpeted rug. He didn’t even object when Steve settled down with him and rested his head on Danny’s back.

Absolutely insane.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Danny was starving.

Not only that, Danny was starving and there was food nearby… he could smell it.

He’d been very disappointed to wake up from his nap and realize he was still a dog. He could tell from Steve’s expression (after Danny so thoughtfully chewed on his ear to wake him) that he felt the same.

Chin walked through the doors carrying a to-go bag from the nearby sandwich shop. Danny followed shamelessly at his heels. He hadn’t eaten since the morning, before he and Steve headed out on their trip to the waterfall. He blamed his new body, as well. He was a puppy; he was supposed to want to eat everything, right?

“Lunch! Thanks, coz,” Kono said as she arrived right behind him, and Chin passed her the bag.

Danny whined plaintively. Kono had a delighted, wicked twinkle in her eye as she looked down at him.

“Should you really be eating people-food?” she asked sweetly, “Maybe we can find you some kibbles instead…”

No one had any difficulty interpreting the barking that followed. They gave in, though, and soon Danny and Steve were munching happily on Italian subs.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

By the end of the day, they were no closer to an explanation or solution.

 _Home_ was Steve’s last suggestion. 

Well, okay, Danny didn’t know Morse code, but that was what Chin translated. Danny thought it was a great idea.

Chin and Kono shared a brief look before Chin sighed.

“And I’ll stay with you guys,” he said, sounding less than thrilled at the idea.

Kono grinned. “You boys have fun on your sleepover and I’ll see you back here in the morning. Hopefully we’ll have better luck tomorrow.”

She gave Steve and Danny a quick wink on her way out, like maybe she knew something they didn’t.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Danny couldn’t sleep. The floor was cold, the carpet was itchy, and Chin was snoring.

He padded quietly outside to where Steve was sleeping peacefully on an old towel. Danny pressed his nose to Steve’s shoulder until he shifted, making a space for Danny to curl up, right against his chest.

Danny sighed and closed his tired eyes.

He awoke to the warmth of the sun on his face. Steve was still asleep, with his nose pressed to the back of Danny’s neck, and his warm breath fell soft and steady on Danny’s body. Danny stretched lazily and then burrowed deeper into the embrace. Steve’s arms tightened around him, holding him close...

Wait… _arms?_

Danny pulled his own hands up to reassure himself. Fingers. He had fingers again. He had hands with fingers and opposable thumbs and, thank you God, he’d never complain about texting again because goofy thumbs were much, much preferable to no thumbs at all. He wiggled his fingers, just because he could. Then, he wiggled his toes and ran his tongue along his regular, human teeth and reveled in the feeling of having his body back.

He sighed and let a smile of utter relief spread across his face before he remembered he was supposed to be pissed at someone for getting him turned into a dog in the first place.

_Oh, yeah._

Right on cue, Steve stretched and blinked, looking far more graceful than anyone just waking up had a right to look. He was all lean lines and tanned skin and _fuck_ , he was gorgeous. Of course, Danny already knew that, but seeing him like this was a different story altogether. But he couldn’t let himself be distracted right now. He had other things to focus on…

“’You have to see this’,” Danny quoted, his voice dangerously monotone.

Steve frowned up at him.

“That’s the last thing you said to me, you lunatic, right before we saw that stupid waterfall and this stupid island turned us into a pair of freakin’ dogs!”

Steve had the decency to look very apologetic.

“I swear, Danny, if I’d known…” he sighed. “People always used to say, there’s this place in the jungle you’ve just got to see. They said it was magical, but I didn’t think… you know…”

“…that they meant actual magic?”

Steve nodded. Though he was no longer a dog, his expression was miserable and adorable and pathetic and Danny couldn’t be mad at him, which was unfortunate, because he really, really wanted to be mad at him right now.

“And since our trip to see the petroglyphs didn’t really end very well,” Steve continued, “I thought we should give it another chance.”

_“It?”_

“Us,” Steve said quietly.

“Well, let me tell you something, babe: based on your track record so far, I don’t want you to ever take me on a date again.”

Steve’s face crumbled. Danny ran his fingers through Steve’s hair to catch his attention before he continued.

“You may take me home,” he murmured. “You may take me to your bed and, listen carefully now, because I mean it: Steven, you can take me any way you want me, but please, for the sake of my sanity, do not take me on any more dates. Is that a deal?”

If Steve’s enthusiastic growl as he launched himself at Danny was any indication, he was in complete agreement.


End file.
